Instagram Stories 2/26 and 2/27: Discipline, Indulgence and Boundaries
2/27/23
So l'm doing some extra training as I prepare for the Shamrock Run and something bigger later this year.
That means I'm listening to more podcasts and thinking. Obviously a dangerous combination was listening to the 2 Bears 1 Cave podcast with @best2bears Tom Segura and Burt Kreischer (highly recommend if you're into comedy) and they had a guest bear in Burt's stead that writes/wrote The Daily Stoic. I find Stoicism intriguing because I appreciate many of the tenets even when I may disagree.
The author was talking about the difference between the person who indulges indiscriminately, because feeling good in the moment is the most important thing versus the disciplined individual that delays their gratification and feels good because they're proud of themselves. One is external gratification, the indulgence, and the internal gratification from doing something good for yourself. The world wants us in former, consuming constantly (we live in a consumer-based economy), which makes it incredibly difficult to accomplish the latter, doing what's best for us. We're trained at a young age to consume (McDonald's doesn't have play structures for exercise) so to break those habits can be a monumental task.
We're seeing the impact of modern marketing on a generation and how that marketing was so powerful it changed the way a modern society functions in under 50 years. I'm talking primarily about food consumption but it's also prevalent in other industries, especially digital. It all boils down to dopamine. That leads me back to the idea of discipline and delayed gratification.
It revolves around first our willingness to accept the idea of discipline and second how invested we are in the idea. There are clear levels of this acceptance, for instance I'm going to run the 5k at the Shamrock Run, if I employed more discipline, I could probably run the marathon. It's all about working your way into it. Set yourself up for success and you'll find you have more of it.
The difference between indulgence and discipline is often happiness
2/28/23
So turns out that photography is an expensive hobby. Holy smokes I was just poking around at different camera bodies and lenses. Hot damn a person could spend a lot of money on camera gear. Not that I don't have an investment but nowhere near what pros have. Mad respect to all the wedding photographers, indie grinders (I made that name up, just shoutout independent photographers), and anyone who sees the value in a picture. Y'all make the world a better place. But not the paparazzi that intrude. I know they're doing a job but they can do it respectfully.
One thing I have to work on is how other peoples actions affect me when they've done something jump over a boundary I've set. I talk often about controlling what we can control (ourselves) and accept that without second thought. There's just some people though, some people are different, they hit harder (not literally ofc) when they hop over boundaries with little concern. We may do great with 99% of people but that 1%, family or friend or something more have a bigger impact on us. That's why working on boundaries is so important and may be the hardest tool to sharpen in our mental health toolbox.
How people treat us is a reflection of them and how they see you but we can’t discount the impact negative experiences have had on anyone that’s treated us poorly. In these situations, we’ve got to remember that actions are far more important than words. People that trample on our boundaries will say many things to justify their bad actions but that is for them, not you. They need to give themselves a reason to treat you poorly so they tell themselves whatever they need to make themselves feel better. Unless they’re a psychopath, they know exactly what they’re doing and likely feel bad for doing it but they still do it. Now that’s what I call dysfunction (side note-I think I need to do something with Now That’s What I Call Dysfunction like those old compilation albums from back in the day lol). I know in my life, people don’t like themselves so they try to drag me down to their level. For faaaaaaaar too long I allowed that to happen because when you’re raised in a dysfunctional environment, you believe this treatment is normal. WRONG, try again! It is not normal for a family member of friend to put you down, hope for your downfall or believe you deserved something bad that happened to you. Reminding ourselves this isn’t about us can be very hard but never forget that hurt people hurt people.
Finally, when people show you who they are, don’t forget to believe them. I know I’ve given people far too much grace in the past for treating me like crap. It’s funny to see these folks get all kinds of verklempt when boundaries are set and upheld. They’re like fish out of water, flailing around acting all sanctimonious, surprised to be held to account for their actions. Stay strong my friends, you can set boundaries and uphold them but it takes a lot of practice that can cause strife. That’s what the bad actor wants, they want you to feel bad and let them behave like they have in the past. You know where your boundaries are so stick to them and watch how much better you feel.