Today I watched a young woman have her EBT and/or debit card denied numerous times as four people waited in line, annoyed she stole 60 seconds of their day, and it struck a nerve. This unfortunate soul held herself together long enough to decline the cashiers request to re-run her cards. She quickly exited the convenience store, her face tense under the pressure of the tears about to burst from her eyes. I exited through the door seconds after her, in time to see her bawling in the front seat of her older minivan. My heart broke but I knew this was not the time to approach a total stranger.

At some point in our lives we’ve all been embarrassed in the company of strangers. It’s seared into our memories-the thoughts racing through our minds at the exact moment of embarrassment may not be forgotten for a lifetime. Why were we embarrassed in those situations though? My answer is because we know we’re being judged. Whether it’s by family members, friends or complete strangers, we know instinctively people are levying judgement upon us and it slices like a Ninjato. Death by a million emotional cuts, each one slicing deeper than the last. I know I still remember everything about the moment I got pants’d in the Sophomore Hall at Washougal High School. Trust me when I say I never forgot to tie the strings on my shorts after that.

What is Empathy?

How can we be empathetic? How can we be part of the solution? First and foremost we need to understand what empathy is. These are signs of empathy from the article I linked:

Signs of Empathy: 

There are some signs that show that you tend to be an empathetic person:

• You are good at really listening to what others have to say.

• People often tell you about their problems.

• You are good at picking up on how other people are feeling.

• You often think about how other people feel.

• Other people come to you for advice.

• You often feel overwhelmed by tragic events.

• You try to help others who are suffering.

• You are good at telling when people aren't being honest.

• You sometimes feel drained or overwhelmed in social situations.

• You care deeply about other people.

• You find it difficult to set boundaries in your relationships with other people.
  

Hopefully you can connect with some of these ideals; I know I certainly do, almost to a fault. As I age and accumulate experiences, some of which have been very negative (as I’ve documented here and here) I think it’s even more important to remember the role empathy plays in life and our overall happiness. As we’re bombarded by curated negativity and hate on our social media feeds it gets harder and harder to connect with people, both those we do and don’t know. Hating on other people doesn’t make us feel better, we’ve just been tricked into believing it does.

I’d be one helluva hypocrite if I didn’t admit I’ve fallen into the same pattern of judgement myself at times. Whatever station in life we find ourselves, it can feel good to think less of another person in order to justify the negative thoughts we’re entertaining in our mind. Most of the time these thoughts are simply a projection of our own shortcomings that we all wrestle with. It’s another tiny drip of the single most addictive, monetized and abused drug in the world: dopamine.

Social Media

Social media and technology is making it far worse for us to feel empathy and we don’t even realize it. I find this passage from the article I linked by Emily Green of Street Roots to be quite compelling:

Every time a person chooses to communicate through text message, email or social media rather than face-to-face, many of the neurological keys to feeling empathy are missing from the exchange. “Little by little, this sort of shallow interaction chips away at our empathic capacities,” writes Dr. Helen Riess

Next time you feel like posting that meme that takes a shot at an opinion (or person) you disagree maybe take a second and think about it from the standpoint of the differing opinion. You never know, maybe you’ll *gasp* find something you agree with. Remember, all social media is for-profit and engagement is king. The only thing they care about is money, not whether they’re destroying relationships, families or societies, despite what they say.

I could go on and on how about how I see empathy leaving all of us. We’re being hardened by greed, consumption and apathy. We’re taking joy in slam-dunking someone on Twitter, FB, et al and it’s bleeding over into our day-to-day lives. The dog-eat-dog world of consumerism and the plague that is the Keeping Up With The Jones’ mentality has turned us against each other and it’s incredibly sad. Worse though is the impact it will have on future generations if we don’t pay attention and fix it.

This doesn’t mean we’re pushovers, trying to solve the world’s problems for it, constantly worried about everyone else’s happiness. No, not at all. It means that by being good to others we’re good to ourselves. Our brains and body actually feel better when we do something nice for another person. Conversely, carrying around all of that negativity isn’t good for us either and if there’s a time to have a strong immune system, it’s right now.

We’re all in this life together, and come hell or high water, we’ve got to make the best of it. As we deal with more adversity than most of us have ever encountered in our lives and at a global scale, it’s important to remember that it’s alright to be nice. This doesn’t mean weak, actually quite the opposite, since it takes incredible strength to admit we need to improve ourselves. Smile at the person approaching you on the sidewalk, open a door for a stranger and compliment a coworker because the better we treat each other the better *our* lives will be. I know I need to remember this, especially with the beard I’ve been sporting lately, haha.

I.Am.Will